It occurred to me the other day that it’s been almost 2 years to the day since I took sole custody of Decisive Flow.
This company is my life’s work. It’s the cause of countless tears, sleepless nights, and has caused me to grow up suddenly and often painfully.
I’ve had to fight tooth and nail for it, had my personal life pulled through the mud… I think I was about 20 when I started on this journey and I do believe that I went about this whole thing just about the hardest way possible.
Sometimes, I look back and think about how much I have had to sacrifice to get here. Turning this business into the life I dreamed of was for a very long time, a nightmare. With the benefit of hindsight, I would have walked out the door two years ago without a backwards glance.
I have been taken advantage of so many times, by people I have trusted and who I have gone out of my way for. This has hurt me both financially and personally and has well and truly opened my eyes to a side of human nature i would rather remain ignorant of.
I have ended many phone conversations a shaking, nervous wreck after confrontations or sales pitches. I have woken with terror, because I quite literally did not have ANY idea how to get out of situations or any idea of WHO I could go to for advice. I have realised well and truly that at the end of the day, you are the only one who can fix your problems.
I have been in massive debt, earning next to nothing and been absolutely unsure how I was ever going to get out of that hole.
I have asked myself, often, if I could handle ONE more thing going wrong. And what actually happens to you when you can’t handle it.
I have rung my dad in tears to finally ask for a loan.
I have over-promised and under delivered.
I live life 2 steps behind where I want to be and I cant go to for a drink without work popping into my head.
I have often been on the verge of running out of money with no new work in sight and wages to pay.
Running a business, especially with the way I started out, is so stressful, demoralising and all consuming, that in the bad times, I do ask why on earth I’m doing it.
But, here is why:
I have never had anyone default on a payment. Despite having no formal contracts and often with customers on the other side of the world.
I know someone who will sit in someone’s office on my behalf until a payment is made, And I have never even met her. I have other friends who will willingly, and without payment, go into battle for me when I can’t do it any more.
I have steadfastly refused to work on project I disagree with and I refuse to give up on a project until the customer is happy.
I might work till midnight sometimes, but when the sun shines, I also sometimes head to the beach. I control my life, finances and work. I am free to do as I please, when I please.
I meet exceptional people who treat me like an exceptional person.
I face a new challenge every day, and the number of times I have achieved something I thought was impossible astounds me.
I am surrounded by people who will drop anything to come out for a drink, or who will hug me and spend hours helping me calm down and form a plan when I turn up at their doorstep, sobbing.
I never had to get that loan from dad, because I turned the company around and paid all my debts and (very significant) bills with profits from 6 months of hard work.
I proved to some very doubtful people that I could do it. And I proved to myself that I could.