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It’s Our Responsibility
This post follows from one written by Rod Drury about baby twins who were murdered after a very short life of constant abuse. Rod was uncomfortable writing about it, as am I, but somehow I can’t get it out of my head.
To say it shocked our nation is an understatement. Just read Rod’s comments to see how much anger there is and how big our combined desire is to see the people who did this punished. Even our Prime Minister spoke up about how wrong it will be if the perpetrators go unpunished (The father has just been found not guilty). It is very difficult in such a small country to come fact to face with something this bad happening in our own back yard.
But we all know this isn’t an isolated event.
I love this country, but beneath the green hills and sparkling oceans, there is an underbelly of violence that is not promoted on NewZealand.com. There is also a tendency to ‘look the other way’. We New Zealanders ‘value’ each other’s privacy to the point that we don’t step in when we should.
A comment on Rod’s blog:
“but I remember when I was a youngster my Father went out with a group of neighbours to ‘talk’ to a man down the road who had beaten his wife. The man in question walked funny for a few days, and the bruises on his face from where he ‘walked into a lamp post’ took a few days to vanish, but I don’t remember any other stories about him hitting any one.”
I am not sure why we keep thinking that the legal system alone will sort these issues out. People who say that it does have never been in the position of waking up one day and realising that somehow, somewhere their life changed and became a nightmare. Please explain how that person should then get up, dust themselves off and, what? Check the yellow pages for a lawyer to stop the one person they are most frightened of in the world from hurting them? Even though, NO ONE around them will even acknowledge it’s happening, let alone help them understand it is wrong.
I’ve discussed before how slack we are on the policital front, but we are also slack on looking out for each other. Violence is not the solution to violence, but I can imagine that neighbour, for once, felt the humiliation he inflicted and his wife, for once, didn’t feel alone. And when the bully realises he is up against more than a bashed up wife, the violence has no choice but to stop.
I don’t care if the issue is physical abuse, bullying, depression or something even more subtle, WE let this happen in our country and crying out for blood once it’s all over is simply NOT a solution.
May 28th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Yes, very tricky topic. Well written post.
By the way, I assume you realise that Rod’s blog also has the tag line “Going Global from New Zealand”? You probably do, given you are based in Welly as well. :o)
May 28th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
A few things:
The story of the group of fathers sorting out the abusive husband sounds great - but it really shouldn’t get to the stage of violence curing violence - community intervention - great, giving him a thrashing - feels great in the primal part of your mind - but shouldn’t be the solution.
A part of the problem people turning away from someone - knowing that the person is hurting and ignoring it.
A smile at someone who looks likes depression personified.
Saying g’day - howsit to a scary looking homeless person.
Sitting next to a punk looking kid and saying hello.
But people have been isolated from each other by smart people in charge of building a consumer society (marketeers and parts of the media) - so they keep out of each other problems and let this happen.
If something is wrong - bowl up and say hi - get started fixing it. If it’s dangerous to go up by yourself, get some friends - but be friendly.
The police don’t prevent crime, they clean it up. It’s all our jobs to be friendly.
Woah! Sorry for the rant. :)
May 29th, 2008 at 10:17 am
I totally agree Ben, the violence part didn’t work for me either, but I reckon the guys just turning up and shaming him was enough.
I also agree with the friends making an effort thing… But being friendly doesn’t work in my experience. Being friendly says ‘that’s ok, keep doing it’. Sometimes to be a friend, you can’t act like one.
May 29th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Hi,
great commentary on the ravings going on on Rod’s thread, and yes, I posted the story ou quoted.
Here’s the thing. My experience shows that a short, sharp response to anti-social behaviour does more to stop it reoccuring from the same person than any office building floor of social workers could in a month of direct attention. In my father’s case, in the quoted example, the local community gave their neighbour a short sharp lesson, and that was it. His wife never talked to her neighbours about being belted again, and the guy was still a valued member of the community who had made a mistake and seen the error of his ways.
Back then there was another form of ’short sharp lesson’ meeted out to young offenders for anti-social behaviour (tagging, loutishness, purposefull bad driveing, etc.,). It was called Borstal, and the sentence was a standard 3 months. From what I read about it, it could have been run by army sergent majors, and filled every minute of every day with flat-out character development and interdependency. THere was no time to fraternise (and learn new criminal skills) and they all had single person cells. THere was no ‘time-off for good behaviour’, but there was the ability of the head of the institution to add up to 30 days without outside reference. The concept was abandoned about the same time as caning miscreants in school (my palm aches just writing those words), a sad fact in my view.
Keep up the good writing, as well as the demonstrably good work - I like some of your web-sites.