I am not a natural negotiator. Like many people I know, when faced with confrontation that can be avoided, I would rather cut my losses and avoid it.

But in business, negotiation is key, and eventually you learn that ‘confrontation’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘bad’. You also learn that when faced with a good negotiator, you WILL lose out big time unless you have a strategy up your sleeve. I see time and time again, people I know getting ripped off because they simply don’t want to make a fuss. I understand where they are coming from, but HATE to watch people win simply because they have mastered the art of putting people on the back foot. It’s so unfair and such an abuse of a simple skill.

I’m still figuring out the skill, and am by no means an expert on this topic, but like networking and everything else I’m useless at, I have picked up a few pointers that I TRY to use as much as possible.

1. Know what you want and WHY that is reasonable

last week, I have had to negotiate with my landlord about raised rents. Their expectations were for a large jump in payments, ours was for a very minimal jump.

Simply saying I didn’t want to pay more rent was not going to be good enough. So I did a little research and discovered other rental rates in the area, the limiting factors for rental in the house (only one bathroom, price per room relative to a small apartment) and the reasons why it would be beneficial to keep us on (We take very good care of the place).

2. Understand where the other side is coming from and their reasons

Being understanding is key. There are very few people in this world who generally want to rip you off. The rest of the world are concerned that you are one of those people. So show them you’re not. Show them you’re willing to give a little and accept that parts of what they want are reasonable.

My landlords excel at this and emailed to thank me for my letter and explain that they had discussed it and UNDERSTOOD where we were coming from, and that we were right on many points. This puts us both on the same team.

3. Don’t lose your cool

Very few people like a screaming match. Very few people avoid becoming defensive when they feel threatened by you. So stay cool. I just read an interesting article about how to end a relationship (Which is not on my plans FYI), but does cover much the same points. Before beginning any interaction with the other party, sit back and think of their good points so you go in feeling positive towards them. You are not here to benefit yourself, you want EVERYONE to leave happy.

Outside of work, I don’t suppose you so much call it ‘negotiation’ as ‘communication’. On that front, I fail utterly and completely most of the time… But am working on it as I type, so watch this space :)