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Total shutoff
So the last few weeks/months have been pretty stressful.
Stress is a funny thing. It sneaks up on you, it changes the way you feel about the world, and it can make you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.
Running a business in this climate changes things. We have been lucky not to experience any real changes, but when we go a month without getting any new work, or when I’m too bogged down to be getting new work, instead of thinking ‘ah well, next month’ you start to panic that it’s a sign of things to come.
On top of that, we run a very free and happy ship here and when that leads pretty quickly into being too free and easy and mistakes get made and no one is accountable, you start to question your fundamental beliefs about how a business should be run and WHY you bother in the first place to expand beyond being a freelancer.
I noticed that I started to change. I didn’t feel like ‘me’. I didn’t feel happy, motivated or even like I wanted to talk to anyone. I just wanted to go home every night and sleep.
This kind of stress is new for me. I am in control of it. I KNOW I can work out of it. I just need to get my act together and motor through everything on my plate, then find something I feel excited about and run with it. The thing is, despite the groans from everyone I know that I can’t just drop everything and head to Thailand, or the US or Michael Jackson in London, I’m actually not fussed about what I have to miss out on to make this happen.
This is what I want to be doing. I love it. But I need to find a way to ensure I don’t get stuck in this stress hole, I need to get some danger signs.
In the meantime, I ‘dealt’ with it by abandoning my cellphone, computer and all internet and electricity and went to the Marlborough Sounds for Easter. Despite having a million messages on my answering machine and more emails than anyone could handle on my return, I think it was worth it.
My head is clear, I remembered that the reason I do this is so that I can do that. And when you are faced with a pod of bottlenose dolphins desperately showing off, or leaping off the wharf into the pitch black ocean in the middle of the night, or dashing up and down a bush track finding clues for our easter egg hunt, it kind of puts stress in perspective.
Lesson of the month: Stress is awful. Getting de-stressed is top priority as is taking FULL advantage of the brilliance of your friends and business mentor to yell and scream and vent on for weeks on end until you see the light again.
As per ususal, I owe you guys a great big thanks.
Update (thanks to postsecret)
Hello, my name is Natalie, I have a business called 
April 15th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
I’m just still grumpy you can’t come to Thailand, the US or London.
April 16th, 2009 at 2:07 am
Bravo for you, honey. Now the selfish me: you’re not coming to the US?
April 16th, 2009 at 8:26 am
oohhh stress is a bloody pain in the butt..but you are sooo rite and wise..we can control it..
deep breaths and yoga is my saviour..or maybe some hip-hop and krumping..you will get thru this because you are brilliant!
April 16th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Brindha, Claire,
You know I’m useless at getting there, although there is a small group planning for June next year (inc a stopover in Hawaii!!!) I’m AWLAYS plotting, it’s just you lot are even busier than me!
Thanks everyone else who emailed me. After a couple of glasses of bubbly and a good talk to mum last night, I’m feeling a lot better and have a good plan to deal with this head-on!
April 16th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
You are young and strong. You will survive this and be better for it. In the meantime, make a resolution. For instance – every Wednesday night I’m going to go out, eat a nice meal in a good restaurant with the company of friends and drink enough to relax sufficiently to look at the world around me and see things I like and can enjoy.
All work makes Nat a dull girl and restricts her potential as a person. Find a switch in your head so you can turn off again and once more become a frivolous young thing for a few hours, otherwise you will reach a point where frivolity is beyond you and most of your memories will be sad ones!
If you need company, ask! I’m sure both Jim and I could manage to persuade ourselves that a meal is needed every now and then, especially in great company!
April 16th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Good work Nat – nothings worth Getting that stressed over! 4 Day weekends should be compulsory.
(see ya next Wednesday :-))
April 17th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Glad you’re aware of the stress! Sometimes you don’t even notice it – but everything seems like a rush and it seems too hard. Life is fun and long – if you concentrate on what you’re doing at every moment and have the other things scheduled for sorting out later – then you can enjoy what you all the time – no need to put off ‘nice time’ for later, or after the sale, or when you have a project manager, or…
:)